I Don't Know What I Want

I inhaled as smoothly as I can trying not to cry again. He took my hand and kissed it.
"Wanna stay for dinner?"
I managed to smile. "Yeah I'm starving."
"Lucky for you Darry's cooking."
I stifled a laugh. He took my hand and lead me to the kitchen I was still in my uniform from cheer camp from school. I'm captain of the cheerleading squad, I thought to myself. All for nothing all for fucking nothing. Darry was behind the stove with steak on the grill, mashed potatoes, and greens. Usually appealing to me but the smell smelled awful. How I was for the past 2 months just thinking it was a bug. Some bug. It rose in my throat and I felt my nails digging into Soda's skin as I resisted. I made a beeline to the bathroom.
"Is Sandy all right?"
"Yeah I will go check on her."
He held my hair back as I puked. I groaned afterwards and Soda held out a cup of mouthwash. I spit it in the sink.
"Are you gonna get a..."
His voice trailed off. I shook my head. He knows I'm completely against them.
"Dinner's ready."
I nodded and wiped my mouth. Darry had a grin on his face and set down dinner.
"Feeling better Sandy?"
I nodded. "Yes much better."
"y'all scared me I thought little Sode here got you knocked up."
The color drained from my face. Our eyes locked knowing it's all over. Darry laughed.
"Soda is afraid of his own shadow he wouldn't get the head cheerleader pregnant."
"Yeah funny."
I took a bite of my meat and scarfed the whole plate down.
"Wow your eating like you're eating for two there. I'm going to get you more food."
Pony and Johnny walked in and Soda made the I will kill you sign. They kept their mouthes shut. We finished up and went back to the living room.
"Should we make an appointment at the doctor or something?"
I shrugged.
"Everything will be okay."
He kissed me.
"I highly doubt that they will kick me out when they find out."
" I gotta tell Darry."
"No Soda you can't. Promise me you won't."
"Sandy..."
"Soda he can't know about our situation."
Our eyes locked and soon enough our lips locked.
"I love you Sandy and I love our baby."
"I love you too."
I cringed at the word baby.
"I should start heading home..."
"Or you could spend the night here."
"The last time that happened. Well look where I am now."
"True. I'll walk you to your car."
I got up and we walked to the driveway. I wiped tears off my face.
"Do you want to keep it?"
"Do you?"
"Well yeah. Sandy I love you so much words can't describe. Sure all of us will work harder but it's all gonna be worth it."
"Oh Soda. I love you so much."
We leaned up against my car kissing.
"Good night Sandy."
I waved to him and kissed him on the cheek. I drove off everything could get better that is if we survive telling my parents.